Estate planning, or the lack of it, can impact family relationships for decades. When decisions are made without explanations, children, siblings and spouses can infer all kinds of things, says an insightful Psychology Today article, “The Emotional Side of Estate Planning.”
There’s a tendency to focus on decisions about assets, key roles such as executor, guardian and trustee, and who will hold financial and medical powers of attorney. These are important decisions. However, they have consequences for those included in an estate plan and those left out.
It’s all too common during a parent’s incapacity or after death for family members to find themselves arguing over a well-intentioned decision from a loved one who has passed. The effects on relationships can be devastating.
Some thoughts can be included in an ethical will, a non-binding letter a testator uses to share their values, beliefs, life lessons and messages with loved ones after they’re gone. However, this letter may not be enough to repair bonds that have been damaged or severed by surprises in the estate plan. Hurt feelings or tarnished memories might result.
This is the opposite of what estate planning is meant to do. Planning for the future is supposed to relieve worry, not create problems. For most people, the family is the most important part of their lives, and relationships are cherished. Here are some steps to take right now.
Make Relationship Preservation Part of Estate Planning. The will, trusts, advance directives and power of attorney are the heart of the estate plan. Before finalizing, take time to consider the decisions, discuss them with family members and explain the rationale. Don’t leave this as a surprise for the family to figure out after you’re gone.
Understand How Decisions May Be Received. What is reasonable to you may feel out of left field for someone else, or taken as proof of how you feel about them or their worth. It’s human nature to make inferences, especially where money or property is concerned. Have these conversations more than once to ensure that they are fully understood and resolved.
Be Open to Changing Your Decisions. Ultimately, the decisions of how to structure your estate and designate key roles are yours. However, it is wise to be open to hearing others and to give them an opportunity to present their arguments for or against your decisions. You may learn things about loved ones you never knew, and a changed perspective might change your decision.
Recognize that estate planning touches on most people’s deepest fear: their own mortality and the death of loved ones. People delay estate planning, rush to complete their estate plan, or don’t do any estate planning at all. Overcoming this difficult emotional reality to create a legacy of caring for family members is one of the great gifts of an estate plan.
Legacy One Law Firm, APLC is an estate planning and probate administration law firm in Los Angeles, California, serving families throughout the State. Schedule a quick and easy consultation with our estate planning attorney, Sedric E. Collins, Esq., or call 323-900-5450.
